Lions Lose & Lafayette Coney Island Shut Down

In Detroit there are three things we are passionate about: our cars, our sports teams, and our coneys (conies?). You try and take them away, you face backlash.

Even if it's to protect our health. Via Fox 2:

Lafayette Coney Island, the historic Downtown Detroit staple was closed Wednesday after rat videos from inside were posted onto social media and health inspectors found droppings inside.

Possible ingestion of trace amounts of rat faces is a small price to pay for a delicious Lafayette glizzy. Our official response can be found at the bottom of the issue.

On another note, this is quite literally the most bada** thing we've ever seen:

A game worn, camo helmet signed by Megatron himself. Ain't she a beaut?

Refer your friends and we'll send you this thing for your game day mantle. Check out the referral program at the bottom of the issue for more details.

Forward.

Lions (0-1) Can't Contain Hurts, Lose Close One, Fans Brawl After

Spotted Sunday: a Lions fan's tee that read "We Almost Always Almost Win," and it is one of the most accurate statements we've seen. The Eagles loss was no different.

After seizing a 7-0 lead by way of a D'Andre Swift fueled 50-yard scamper of an opening drive, Detroit swiftly (*ahem*) relinquished the lead to the tune of 21 unanswered points. Six of those points were the result of a lazy Jared Goff interception that was returned for a 27 yard score.

Halftime - Eagles: 24, Lions: 14

The two teams traded touchdowns, two a side, until the start of the fourth quarter, making the score 38-28 with 14:16 remaining. From there, all offense would stall until Detroit found the endzone again on a 22-yard pass from Goff to Chark to cut the lead to three with 3:51 remaining.

The Lions showed resolve in the second half, never backing down, but also lacking third down stops. These third down woes proved to be the Leo's Achilles heel, as they failed to stop a third AND fourth down on Philly's final drive, where a bleeding clock cemented the loss.

Final - Eagles: 38 (1-0), Lions 35 (0-1)

Game Notes:

• Eagles QB Jalen Hurts rushed 17 times for 90 yards and a touchdown. Detroit had no answer for his rushing, especially on third downs

• Eagles WR AJ Brown torched the Lions secondary for 10 grabs and 155 yards, no other Eagles receiver had more than four targets

• D'Andre Swift, Jamaal Williams (2), Amon-Ra St. Brown, and DJ Chark all scored for Detroit

• After scoring to make it 31-21, Detroit attempted a failed onside kick, giving Philly a short field, which they would score a touchdown on

• Lions S Tracy Walker was ejected from the game for swinging at TE Dallas Goedert

• Click here or the image below for full game highlights

And if death slides or rat infested restaurants weren't enough for the national spotlight, Detroit fans fought each other in the streets postgame, which made headlines around America. #PureMichigan

Michigan Pummels Hawaii, JJ McCarthy Era Upon Us

As many expected, Michigan routed Hawaii at home last Saturday 56-10, leading 42-0 at halftime.

Why the number four team in the country decided to play one of the worst teams in all of college football at home, at night, in primetime, should fall under the definition of 'cruel and unusual punishment' for Rainbow Warrior fans.

But I digress. The real story here is sophomore QB JJ McCarthy and how he has all but secured himself the starting role, going 11 for 12 for 229 yards and three touchdowns... in the first half.

The other QB in this "competition", Cade McNamara, came in late in the second quarter. He threw a pass that was dropped and then was promptly sacked for a 10-yard loss on third down. This drew completely unwarranted boos from the Michigan crowd.

The QB competition is all but locked up in Ann Arbor. Michigan takes on UConn this Saturday, 12pm, at home.

State Wears Putrid Neon, Destroys Putrid Akron

Donning a variation of the worst uniforms MSU has in their closet, the Spartans were able to make minced meat of the visiting Akron Zips. A 52-0 route.

Via CBS:

Jalen Berger ran for 107 yards and three touchdowns and Michigan State's defense forced four fumbles Saturday to help the 14th ranked Spartans to a 52-0 victory over Akron.

It was the largest margin of victory for Michigan State (2-0) since beating Eastern Michigan by 59 points in 2014.

While State expectedly handled the Zips at home, there is concern at the QB position as Payton Thorne has been inconsistent, missing open receivers and throwing interceptions. He had two picks on Saturday.

Probably more concerning is that State will not let go of the neon jerseys. At least they're better than the 2019's.

MSU jumped from 14 to 11 in the AP Top 25. They travel to Washington to take on the Huskies next week Saturday, 7:30pm EST.

Yes, The Tigers Are Still Playing Games

While the Tigers did close their awful Angels' series with a win and took two of three from lowly Kansas City, they promptly got back to regularly scheduled programming by shut out twice, 4-0 and 7-0.

The Tigers have been shut out 21 times this year. Right now the biggest goal for the team is to avoid 100 losses, which they are only 12 games away from accomplishing. Via the Free Press:

Detroit is tied with the 1973 New York Yankees and 1976 Chicago White Sox for the most shutouts in a single season among American League teams since the designated hitter was implemented in 1973.

The 2022 Tigers are five shutouts away from tying the franchise record, set in 1904.

Also, no one is going to games.

Bless you, boys!

Seider Named NHL Network Top 50, Wings On The National Stage

On Sunday, NHL Network revealed part one of their "Top 50 Players Right Now" series, and Calder Trophy winner Moritz Seider came in at 49 behind Nashville goalie Juuse Saros and ahead of New Jersey C Jack Hughes. Via MLive:

NHL Network analyst and former player Mike Rupp said of Seider: “I give him a ton of credit for cracking this list after just one year, because we always talk about how hard it is for defenseman. Young defenseman coming in the league and having success right away, it just doesn’t happen that easily. He came in, he gets tough matchups, he’s going to continue to get more. I think his reads will get better; they’ll get stronger. I don’t think we’ve seen the ceiling on him. He’s going to keep getting better.”

The NHL also released its national broadcast schedule, where games will air exclusively on TNT, ESPN/ABC or Hulu/ESPN+. Our boys landed 14 games, which is great/horrible news depending on your viewing situation.

Pistons Release 'Statement' Uniforms, Send Brand Further Into Oblivion

As excited as we were to bring back the teals, we couldn't be less enthusiastic about the latest uniform to come out of the Pistons camp. Via Free Press:

This year’s Statement Edition jersey aims to bridge some elements of the Pistons past with our exciting future,” Pistons chief marketing officer Alicia Jeffreys said. “When we launch a new uniform, every detail is considered, but first and foremost our goal is to create a jersey that Detroit can be proud of.

The Pistons' previous "Statement Edition" jerseys were gray with blue lettering (and red outlines) on the front. The new "Statement Edition" gear will be worn during "In It For My City" home games, beginning on on Oct. 26 (Atlanta Hawks).

And while yes we do understand and appreciate the effort, concept and approach these "Statement" uniforms were going for we can't stop thinking about Pepsi Max. And Diet (only missing the "i'), for that matter.

That's all she wrote. If you could do us the absolute HONOR or forwarding this onto a friend, co-worker, enemy or your crush in accounting, we would greatly appreciate it.

We'll leave you with GordieBarry's official response to the Health Department's decision to shut down Lafayette:

See you next week.